After a Long TIme!

 It has been long since I have been in touch with my true self. After a long time I have realized that it is not easy to stay alive even after you get what you really wanted in life. The "life" itself is not easy. With everything going on around the world, it is even harder to even feel bad for what is happening to you. You look at those innocent people getting killed everyday and you feel like your problems are nothing compared to theirs. 

However, I have come to the conclusion at that this is not it. Your problems are problems for yourself, they are not affecting others but yourself and if you feel that they are not big enough or they are nothing, it is not right. You will say Why? 

The answer is simple because for yourself, they have become problems because they are depriving you of your energy; they are draining you; all your tensions are derived from these problems; you should not be considering these problems as nothing; you can be happier once these problems are resolved. I admit and you should also admit that you cannot contribute to solve the bigger problems on the bigger stage of the world that have been curated after years and years of strategy but you should also admit that you can work to resolve the problems that are causing the excruciating pain in your life. 

In the beginning of this article, I said I have been out of touch with my true self and now I know why is that! It is because I labeled my problems as nothing when they were happening to me. I out rightly suppressed them and found ways to ignore them. Time after time, they would out do my efforts and crawl their way back up in my life causing me to lose myself to their dark. Each time I lost a piece of myself till I lost most of the pieces and could not find the courage to recollect each of them and replace in their original position. I lost true self to the problems I deemed as nothing as compared to the problems others are suffering around the world and that was my biggest mistake. 

Now that I have started to regather myself and explore my inner self to reach my true self, I know I am on the right direction of self discovery. But for it to happen I had to work dedicatedly to address the problems that have created havoc in my life. 

I suggest you to explore your self, explore your inner self, address the underlying reasons of the problems and NEVER, I repeat NEVER label your problems as nothing or suppress them for they always crawl back into your life in ways you would not even have thought about.

Escape (Post 2)

One day at school, when I was thirteen, I saw a girl. She transferred from high school of USA here. When I looked at her, my heart skipped a beat. I dint get it; the feeling I had back then. Never I ever had made friends on my own. The two friends I made in school were because they approached me first. But with this girl, I had to make the first move. She was indifferent to everyone in the school. By the end of the day, I was able to make her smile at least once. And then we became very good friends and in fact best friends by the end of high school.

When I turned 18, I was sure of what I felt towards her. I loved her but on the other hand I knew she had looked up on me as a friend who will support her and have her back in everything. That is why I supported her decision to move to England for higher studies. And that was the first time I realized I made a mistake; a mistake that could never be undone. I was not able to bring myself up to tell Hazel that I loved her when she was leaving for UK because I feared, I feared that I will lose even her friendship and that I couldn't afford to do.

She came back after completing her studies but with love for her cousin in her heart. She loved Rio, her aunt's son, and it was evident from her eyes. I couldn't help but had deep regrets in my heart because it was the love unattainable for me now. She told me all about him and all I could was to wish; to go back in the past and undo every single time I had supported her decision to go to UK.


   

The Constant State of Confusion!

From the cradle to the grave, a person switches his states from being happy to being sad, from being a kid to being a teenager and then adult. But one state remains constant throughout. It is the state of confusion. Being an infant we get confused when we come across new tastes, being a toddler we are confused about the new faces and what they are talking about. 

This constant state of confusion is confusing every other person. Whomever I met to, the one thing I find common in every person is the confusion; someone is confuse about the meaning of life, another person is confused about career opportunities, another friend is confused about family and another one is confused about the religion they are following. Hence, causing a constant wrath in their minds and strengthening the confused minds. 

I, myself, am not a person who can claim otherwise. I am confused about what i want to be, where I want to be, with whom I want to be but the confusion, yes the very same confusion is always there. If I decide on the places where I want to be, I would rather end up getting confused about what will happen to my family even though my presence does not charm them anymore. If I decide on my future goals, the very same confusion tells me that you will earn half of what your friends earn and hence should give up on those goals and move on to better career goals. 

  

Escape (Post 1)

"For a moment in life, we all want an escape, then we keep on running and shutting down the doors leading to that very moment. We don't have the courage to face the reality of that moment."

'In my life there are so many of them'. Hazel was thinking when the door was knocked at. One of those moments was right now. She hasn't the courage to face this moment; sitting on her bed on her first wedding night. She was thinking of the way to escape; not because she was afraid of not of what the usual brides are being afraid of but because this man was not what she desired of. She has always loved her cousin and to her knowledge her cousin too. But her father was not happy about this and forced her to marry this man.

She could feel the presence of the stranger in her room now. He was smiling and she was hating it. "This man was supposed to be her best friend who knew her feelings for her cousin all along yet he agreed to marry her just because she was the only daughter of the richest man in the town" she thought.

"Hazel" he said. She saw him with complaining gaze. He knew what had happened but he looked innocent. 

A flash back: in eighth grade she moved to Seoul Korea and joined one of the high schools. She was always afraid of the new encounters and hence same was the case when she stepped in her class on the very first day. She wanted to escape from there and hide in the corner. She has always been like that; always running away from the situations that might be new to her. But this, this she could not avoid this. At that  very day, a boy in the class approached her and told her that he knew what she felt and has been through the same when he moved here five years back. Trying her best to avoid this boy. she behaved as coldly as she could but by the end of the day she had a friend at school for whom she could go to attend the school. 

"Hazel" a very renowned yet very strange voice echoed in her ears. That boy was sitting in front of her she had met 14 years ago. A boy that has grown up to be a handsome and smart gentleman; a complete marriage material. Yet Hazel hated him for what he has done.

"You must be thinking that I married you because I wanted your money. This is not.." he was saying and Hazel interrupted her "just stop it. I do not want to hear any excuses you have right now. You have betrayed me and the trust I had on you! I always thought that you had my back and you will support me but Jordan you, you destroyed our relation and everything, you are responsible for my destruction". Jordan was listening to her and did not utter even a single word. He knew her very well and knew that it is best for her to let it all out that has been building up inside her, only then she will be able to understand what he has to tell her. "Ah!" the sigh was all he could reply her with. 

It is sometimes the hardest job to explain to someone why some event happened and why s/he has to be the one to be at loss. And that is exactly the situation you want escape from. Jordan wanted to tell Hazel why all of this happened and why she ended up as his wife but the difficulty was that he had no proof to explain his innocence. He was feeling guilty and wanted to escape the confrontation. It has been seventy-two hours and still Hazel has not let him explain anything. 

Note: This story is to be continued.!! 

Autumn is here!

It's already September and it feels like 2018 just started yesterday. The sun is still hot as if it's still May here. Getting out of the bed in the morning is still a struggle and it feels like there is nothing that can be done about that. Reaching the university just in time to make it to the lab feels as if I am still a student. 

Although it all seems like fun and exciting phrases, yet in reality it is just boring and dull and not at all amusing. All of it signifies that we are living in the past. We are so used to this that we don't realize for a moment that we tend to live in our past as if it is a habit. The moment we realize this, we know Autumn is here; for every single year the same happens. 

Autumn is around the corner and so is the autumn in our hearts is here. We have realized once again that we are living sticking to our pasts and lingering on the saddest possible memories. And instead of giving up on what has been gone and done, we are purposely letting all this to fall on our hearts to let the hearts ache in the sync. 

Now we know Autumn inside our hearts is here. The leaves have started to fall of the branches of heart and the sunshine has been blocked by the clouds of despair and sadness. The ground of the heart is covered fallen memories. Everywhere in the heart and every thing and every moment that passes, the realization of Autumn being here is more and more.

It will be October in 24 days and then the world will join these hearts and the surrounding will also be chanting in sync with the sad hearts 

"Autumn is here, Autumn is here

 Leaves are falling, Tears are falling

 Autumn is here, Autumn is here

 Sunshine is missing, Desire is missing"  

The one with STATIC Summers!

Life is a like a wonder world; you are expecting it to be the way you want it to be but then at the very moment you get predictive about it, you start to wonder what actually has happened to you!

These summers are just like that for me. 

From a stranger's perspective, summer 2018 has been the static and non-functional days of my life so far. He would see it as I have been doing nothing to change my days to make them more thrilling and adventurous. 

BUT But but it is not like that at all. I have been struggling every single day of my last eight months to make it happen, to bring the change in this routine, to break through these static state of dullness and laziness. I have been doing things that are against my nature and will just to make ends meet, just to pass it through the month and just to sleep comfortably at the night. 

Nothing seems to be valid in my time's opinion. My family wants me to get married and to see me get settled somewhere in Europe but no one considers what I am doing and what I want. They do not approve of my choices and my dreams for they are more than just settling down in developed countries to have a happy family. 

Sometimes, the peer pressure is so much that I consider I am doing nothing at all but one thing is for sure I am not giving up on my dreams and my goals even if the society, family and friends cast them as INVALID for there's no dream that is not VALID

The one with understanding and misunderstanding!

Human nature is strange and weird, and ridiculous sometimes. We, as humans, tend to misunderstand the situation way before we try to understand the situation. Like for example, if we join a conversation in a middle and that is particularly about us, the first thought that hits us is that they are definitely talking about the negative aspects of our personality when in actual they are appreciating how we dress. This is just one of the many examples I have stated here. 

Why we misunderstand?

This is the question that needs to be answered. The reason is because misunderstanding a situation is way easier than understanding it, for understanding requires you to keep calm and patient, to think about the options that are in favour of it, to talk it out and clear things. This is the difficult part. We do not want to understand a person we don't like or probably the person who told you about a particular event is the one you trust more than anyone else and s/he might be lying about it or has misunderstood the situation himself/herself.

It is very important to understand the next person in an argument to make it a discussion, the situation to cultivate the beneficial responses out of it, the circumstances to turn them into your favour. Change yourself to be a person that don't react without understanding the situation but a soul that ponder and think before reacting.

Misunderstanding leads to the results that are fatal for you relationship, business, work environment, for your own self and steals the inner peace in you. Where as understanding will result in a self that is calm more than ever, will have the positive effects on your life and on the lives of those who matter and will save your precious time for you will know whether to waste time on a useless thing or to move on. 

Stay Blessed!!! 😊😊😊