After a Long TIme!

 It has been long since I have been in touch with my true self. After a long time I have realized that it is not easy to stay alive even after you get what you really wanted in life. The "life" itself is not easy. With everything going on around the world, it is even harder to even feel bad for what is happening to you. You look at those innocent people getting killed everyday and you feel like your problems are nothing compared to theirs. 

However, I have come to the conclusion at that this is not it. Your problems are problems for yourself, they are not affecting others but yourself and if you feel that they are not big enough or they are nothing, it is not right. You will say Why? 

The answer is simple because for yourself, they have become problems because they are depriving you of your energy; they are draining you; all your tensions are derived from these problems; you should not be considering these problems as nothing; you can be happier once these problems are resolved. I admit and you should also admit that you cannot contribute to solve the bigger problems on the bigger stage of the world that have been curated after years and years of strategy but you should also admit that you can work to resolve the problems that are causing the excruciating pain in your life. 

In the beginning of this article, I said I have been out of touch with my true self and now I know why is that! It is because I labeled my problems as nothing when they were happening to me. I out rightly suppressed them and found ways to ignore them. Time after time, they would out do my efforts and crawl their way back up in my life causing me to lose myself to their dark. Each time I lost a piece of myself till I lost most of the pieces and could not find the courage to recollect each of them and replace in their original position. I lost true self to the problems I deemed as nothing as compared to the problems others are suffering around the world and that was my biggest mistake. 

Now that I have started to regather myself and explore my inner self to reach my true self, I know I am on the right direction of self discovery. But for it to happen I had to work dedicatedly to address the problems that have created havoc in my life. 

I suggest you to explore your self, explore your inner self, address the underlying reasons of the problems and NEVER, I repeat NEVER label your problems as nothing or suppress them for they always crawl back into your life in ways you would not even have thought about.

Escape (Post 2)

One day at school, when I was thirteen, I saw a girl. She transferred from high school of USA here. When I looked at her, my heart skipped a beat. I dint get it; the feeling I had back then. Never I ever had made friends on my own. The two friends I made in school were because they approached me first. But with this girl, I had to make the first move. She was indifferent to everyone in the school. By the end of the day, I was able to make her smile at least once. And then we became very good friends and in fact best friends by the end of high school.

When I turned 18, I was sure of what I felt towards her. I loved her but on the other hand I knew she had looked up on me as a friend who will support her and have her back in everything. That is why I supported her decision to move to England for higher studies. And that was the first time I realized I made a mistake; a mistake that could never be undone. I was not able to bring myself up to tell Hazel that I loved her when she was leaving for UK because I feared, I feared that I will lose even her friendship and that I couldn't afford to do.

She came back after completing her studies but with love for her cousin in her heart. She loved Rio, her aunt's son, and it was evident from her eyes. I couldn't help but had deep regrets in my heart because it was the love unattainable for me now. She told me all about him and all I could was to wish; to go back in the past and undo every single time I had supported her decision to go to UK.